Pissed Off or Pissed On?

Do you ever have a bad mood day, that you just are ok with? You decide, I am taking this crappy mood and nurturing it. I’ll pet it and feed it and make it part of my every move. I’ll own this bitch, make it my middle name. I will purposefully have thin skin and let every little thing get to me. I will write less than super friendly emails, eavesdrop on conversations that just make me want to strangle someone. Things that don’t affect me, I’ll still get up in arms about them, think that person was out to get me, just me. Be annoyed at happy pictures and statuses on FB, be irritated with people that want something from me, temporarily forget what empathy is and replace it with apathy. Things and people that don’t normally get to me, will make me want to spit nails. Envy and slothfulness and wrath will be my mantra.  10 commandments?  Forget that, I’m all about the 7 deadly sins.

Just as we can choose to be happy, can we choose to be mad? Is it ok to let those negative emotions flow, just for a day? Is it like one of those juice cleanses? Better on the other side of a good old fashioned shit fit? What about acting happy when you’re not, can’t that cause some sort of health problems?  An aneurysm or eye twitch, or some such physical manifestation from holding in my bad mood. So many times we just let things slide and go on about our day, not expressing typically negative opinions and thoughts because 1) what’s the point, you can’t change stupid 2) none of your business anyway 3) my Mom always taught me if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.   But what about the people that are mean to me? Attack me for something that isn’t under my control?  Why are some people the punching bag and others get to be Mike Tyson?  Today I want to be like Mike.

It’s not anyone or anything in particular. It’s everyone. And everything. Work, home, family, friends, no one is exempt today. It’s what you’re wearing, what you’re saying, your whining and complaining, you’re doing it wrong, you won, you lost.  I don’t care. You’re forgetting, you need me to clean up your mess, it’s broken, it’s ugly, you’re making bad choices.  It’s all like fingernails on a chalkboard to me today.  Is this what serial killers feel like? Coffee, food, exercise, sleep, wine, nothing will make it better today. Ok, maybe wine.  But I doubt it. I’m right, you’re wrong.  You’re too slow, too lazy, a slacker, wimpy, and I don’t want to deal with you today.  I can’t pretend today.

Today I’m not doing your job. Today I’m not putting up with your stupid requests. Today I’m not feeling sorry for you. Today I don’t care if you feel sick. Today I’m not feeling guilty for ignoring you or snapping at you. I just can’t. It’s not you, it’s me. Today I’m just gonna put my head down, do my duty and go to bed. Bad attitude you say? Damn straight. And then tomorrow, I’ll probably wake up just fine.  I’ll go back to smiling, playing nice, being excited for you, helping you, going out of my way to make it better for you, laughing, being compassionate. And I’ll be happy to do it. Back to my normal, fun loving, helpful and funny self. But right now, I’m taking my toys and going home.

 

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Today’s Top Stories

Sorry for my absence, for those of you who care.  End of the year school activities had me unable to form complete sentences.

A lot of very touchy subjects are in the news spotlight right now.  It’s enough to make me want to swear off Facebook and media in general.  Everyone is pissed about something.  Many are about pissed about everything.  Some are pissed about nothing, but I don’t know any of those people.  As I’ve constructed my opinion on these matters, whether just in my head or verbalized to my friends who I know will agree with me, the conclusion I’ve come to is that I’m pretty laid back about everything.  Or just too lazy to be really passionate about any one of these topics.  I have opinions, and I like to express them, but they aren’t always based on years of research, or some staunchly held religious belief.  I just think them because I do.  I have some rationales, but not always.  I generally don’t try to persuade people to my side of the fence, so I think it’s ok to just have an opinion. In any case…

#1-Gay Marriage-or as you’ve heard some call it, “Marriage”  Truth is I can’t say anything smart that you haven’t already heard in the past week since SCOTUS made their ruling.  I think it’s just fine and dandy if homosexuals want to get married.  It doesn’t bother me one bit.  Not in a religious sense, not in a political sense, not in a sexual sense, not in any sense.  Some will say I have no sense.  And I’m ok with that.  My religion does think being homosexual is a sin, although we don’t exactly talk about it much.  It was a 5 paragraph article on the 4th page of the quarterly national newsletter. The equivalent of “Cat Show Spectacular in Tuscaloosa” news coverage.  I don’t agree.  Plain and simple.  I think God made homosexuals just they way they are and they deserve the legal benefits of a binding marriage contract.

#2-Sub-text of #1 Gay Marriage opinion-I also think homosexual couples should be allowed to adopt children.  The homosexuals couples I know that are raising children are doing a bang up job.  Whereas on the other hand, I’ve witnessed some seriously fucked up heterosexuals doing their best, yet pathetic, version of a sideshow act of parenting I’ve ever seen.  I’m not saying sterilization should be legal…but I have a really long list of those who should be first in line should it ever come to that.  Lots of unwanted children out there, give them a loving parent, gay or straight, and they have a fighting chance in this world.

#3 Confederate Flag nonsense-Stop flying it over government buildings like a badge of honor.  Otherwise, leave it be.  We can’t rewrite or make disappear all the shitty history we’d rather forget.  We don’t have to worship former symbols of hatred, but rather teach what was and learn to be better.  And Dukes of Hazard rules!

#4 Gun Violence- We own a handgun and several WWII display rifles.  I hate all the gun violence that rips families apart on a daily basis across our country (not just Detroit, folks…).  It shames me that our country’s price for our right to bear arms is such tragedy. Like the war on drugs, I’m fairly certain there is not an answer to this question that will EVER work.  Law abiding citizens will never give up their right to lawfully own guns while criminals will abuse that right and kill innocent people. It just makes me sad.

#5 Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy-refer to previous statement about sterilization.

#6 Rob Stark being killed off on Game of Thrones-The red headed witch lady better bring him back to life next season or someone is gonna be in a world of hurt.

#7 USA Women’s Soccer Team-They won the World Cup in glorious fashion!  Being a soccer household, of course we were watching, but I know plenty of non-soccer freaks that also were engrossed.  Win for the sport, win for the ladies, win for USA!

So here is where I leave you today. There will be friends and family who disagree with my opinions, and that’s perfectly ok with me. They of course are entitled to their opinions as much as I am.  My opinions are not up for debate any more than theirs are. What these hotly discussed issues have brought to the forefront of my mind is that I need to be as respectful of those who I feel are on the “wrong” side of the fence, as I expect them to be of me.  And in that vein, what I’ve found that works is seriously just to stop reading.  I get sucked into the comments on a Facebook post, full of “racist bastards, sodomites, faggots, gun toting rednecks” and verbiage that makes me seethe with anger.

The vehemence and name calling and attacks and fury and outrage is just exhausting.  I have trouble enough getting my Keurig power button not to stick, this shit is too much for me. I hate the fact that I lay in bed last night unable to sleep due to swirling thoughts of the widespread, ongoing and irrational reactions to these issues.  So I step away. And the truth is, I can’t change them, and arguing with them sure isn’t going to get me anywhere.  So respect.  Or at least blissful ignorance. Can’t we all just get along?

“I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It’s just that the translations have gone wrong.”  –John Lennon

Anger much?

I had big plans for my latest blog.  But those plans have been set aside, washed away, and forgotten for the time being.  Spring break in Michigan, it doesn’t get any better than that.  Oh wait, yes it does.  Granted, I don’t work this week, kids are off school, I get to sleep in, but the weather still blows. Everyone I know drove to Florida. Not that I want to drive to Florida, but still, the weather disparity makes me green with envy.  So I’m already starting off on the wrong foot here in unbalmy, sunless Michigan.

I wake up, have some coffee, talk to a friend on the phone, then hear the garbage truck…F**K!  Riley’s car is in the street on trash day.  Of course we got a ticket.  And then to pour salt in the wound, MY car in MY driveway got a ticket for blocking the sidewalk.  I had moved it back yesterday so my kids and their cousins could play basketball since I was hosting Easter dinner at my house. The horror.  So now I’m raging.  Cursing, crumpling up the tickets.  I call Brendan, curse at him.  I rant on Facebook.  I don’t feel any better. The doorbell rings when I am in the shower, the phone rings off the hook.  Do I NOT have 3 able bodied children who can answer the door or answer the phone?!  It would appear that I don’t. So now I’m screaming bloody murder at them.  Then my youngest comes in from his run after only 8 minutes complaining that his knee hurts.  I tell him I guess you have to quit soccer and track now.  Not an unreasonable response, I think.

I get in my car to drive to the post office.  I am behind someone going 23 MPH.  Who gave this guy a license?  Are you kidding me?  Get out of my way!! Then I park behind a guy who is obviously going to the Tiger’s opening day game.  He’s wearing shorts (in 43 degree weather–genius), he’s bathed in cologne which chokes me to death, and I hate him just for his existence.  I’M not going to the Tiger’s opening day game.  More jealousy.

Now my negative self-talk is really wound up– I’m fat, I have crows feet, I need new jeans, but no way I’m going to a store to try them on (see previous “I’m fat” statement), I’m cold, why do I have to dust my house, my life is a miserable piece of crap and everyone on Facebook is living the dream.  I start blocking people and unfriending everyone who posts a picture of a palm tree, because they don’t deserve my friendship.  I text a couple of my REAL friends, who are here suffering in Michigan with me, and demand lunch out.  Don’t tell me no, I may kill you. Some boneless wings and a yummy salad later, I’m vented out and feeling better. I even left a good tip.

I was really twisted up in anger this morning over 2 parking tickets. It clouded my everything, I was in full lash out mode, at my kids, strangers, people in cars near me, everyone I know who is on vacation in a warm place, and my cats. Just because I could be, damn cats being all cat like.  And rationally I know I was only mad at my local police department for 2 stupid tickets that were completely valid, I just don’t happen to agree with their methodology. I wasn’t mad at my kids, or random people, or anyone who is on vacation or the Tigers game.  I go on vacation, just not this week. I go to Tigers games, just not today. My kids weren’t doing anything wrong, just being normal annoying kids. The guy with the cologne at the post office, he really is a jerk, scale back on the Drakkar, save the ozone, okay?  He deserved my evil stare.

I am Greek Orthodox, so this week is my Holy Week and Easter is this coming Sunday. This week more than any other, I really should be better. More insightful, more forgiving, more thankful, less envious, less angry, less self-absorbed.  I don’t get all roid rage angry like that very often, it’s unbecoming of a lady such as myself. And I do feel much lighter now that I’ve let it go. Oh sure, I’ll get angry again when I have to write the checks to the city (AKA Nazi, Germany), but not like I did this morning. What purpose did my anger serve? I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. I obviously didn’t deal with the whole situation very well. Shame, guilt, disappointment ensue. What a vicious circle anger is.

So lesson learned? Instead of spreading my anger to those near me, I will count the blessings in my life and spread happiness. Too simple of a solution?  Not this time 🙂 I will stop wishing for rain in Florida, I hope the Tigers win for all my friends who are there rooting them on, I’ll hug my kids and apologize for yelling at them, and I’ll thank my friends for letting me air my anger at lunch. It truly is good to be me. I’d do well to remember that next time I make a presidential bid for the looney tunes farm.